Tis the Season

Baby Abby looking cute as can be as a little Santa Baby:)






Family Pictures! Abby's first time picking out a tree:) Dad did wear the hat for a little but doesn not love our new tradition:)






One month pictures!






Minnie and Micky:) Best friends! Abby at one month and Noah at 3! LOVE THEM BOTH!

Thanksgiving 2011

My brother, niece, and I being silly:)

brother and I!


My niece is so cute!


Grandpa and Abby:)

Peek a boo! Someone is shy:)

My mom did a great job on the feast we had!

Sister and niece! You would think they are sisters because my sister looks so young!

Brian, Collin, Abby, and I had a great time on Thanksgiving! We first went to visit Brian's parents and then my family. What a joy to spend Thanksgiving this year with our new addition!

Happy One Month Birthday baby girl!

One month pictures!


Mommy and Daddy went on a date with me! I did really good!





Look what I picked up at Costco:)


"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."James 1:17

I am in awe that today I am staring at my one month old! It has been a very crazy long month for my family and I. We have gone through so much in a very short period of time while taking care of a beautiful baby girl we are so in love with. I am thankful that God continues to grow me daily and treasure me as His daughter and love me through my sin. These times of growth recently have not been easy but have blessed me so much. For the rest of my life I will remember Brian's sweet words to me as I was about to be wheeled in for surgery. I said to him, "I am so unfaithful to God. I do not even feel like I know Him at times because I can not handle any of these trials." This is what Brian said. I had him write this part out, "God is faithful and His love for you does not depend on your performance, or how "faithful" you are but instead it depends on Christ! It is because God sees you in Christ that He can love you in spite of your failings. Because Christ was always faithful, always trusted God, never sinned, basically lived the life that we should have all lived, that God can look at His own, those who have placed their faith and trust in Christ, with love, devotion, faithfulness and joy. There is a condition to God's love, though it is not your behavior that meets this condition...it is your being "in Christ"." This response is something I know but when Brian said it to me, something really stood out. I am a sinner saved by Gods grace. I will continue to fall and God will continue to grow me and lift me up and carry me. He will love me unconditionally.As I think about Gods unconditional love I pray that I will have that for those around me, especially my husband and children. When Abby frustrates me and does not sleep all night I do not want to be upset with her and not love her because of it. As my children and husband disappoint me I do not want my love for them to change.

Abby is such a sweet joy to our lives. Every day I get to experience something new with her. This week mommy and Abby took our first trip to Costco. I needed to finally take her out alone or I would be stuck at home forever. She did great so we got out again yesterday and ran errands together. For the last two nights Abby has slept in her crib or bassinet and is letting mommy sleep every two to three hours. This may not sound like much but it is better than Monday night of no sleep. Earlier this week Abby smiled several times in a span of a few minutes while I talked to her. It was a very sweet moment for me!Abby is growing so much and is a healthy baby girl. She is also incredibly beautiful and we all just love her so much! Collin is still loving his baby sister and wants to hold her constantly and help burp her and do anything he can. We are very thankful! Abby has drawn my family closer together. My parents have been coming over weekly which has been really fun. My mom loves taking her granddaughter on walks. Uncle Jon has come over for dinner and time to hangout with Collin.

Thanking God daily!

How gracious is our Lord and savior! He is providing in the most glorious ways and showing me His rich provision daily! I am beyond humbled by the grace of God and His people. I believe I shared a lot of this in my last post but I have been thinking about this all day today as I have been overwhelmed by love! I have felt a bit disconnected from community since Abby because of all the pain I went through on top of having a newborn and going through hormonal issues. And now as I have to heal and allow people to serve me and my family it has been such a blessing to have people over to talk to and take care of us. Through that storm God has grown me so much and provided in ways that I can not even begin to understand fully. Praise be to God for how faithful He is as I have been so faithless. God loves me so much even through my sin. Now why can't I love others in this way. I sin and He loves me. People around me disappoint me and I gripe and whine and hold grudges.... Oh how wicked we are in so many ways. Lord make me more like your Son Jesus.

I am healing daily! Brian stayed up with Abby almost the whole night last night as she is eating a ton right now and growing like crazy! I was so tired I did not even hear her crying. I am the lightest sleeper there is so Brian could not believe I was sleeping through her cries. I woke up thinking we all slept great... not the case, Brian had to be at work by 7am today! We have had dinner provided by our Church family every night. My mom spent the day with me and Abby yesterday. She loves walking her granddaughter outside. Today our sweet friend came over and spent the morning with us and then took Collin and Abby to her house to spend the day with her and her beautiful four children. They all had a great time. In that time another friend of ours came over and cleaned our house while I slept for several hours. Our bible study also got together and paid for us to have several meals delivered by this company that provides fresh meals to your doorstep. People have been calling and texting constantly to see if they can help us in some way. Several of the college girls spent the night the day we got home from the hospital and stayed up with Abigail while daddy got some sleep! And how can I not thank God for Natalie and Dan and their family! To spend time with our baby girl for almost two days and love her as we had to be away! The prayers from the Saints has been so uplifting and has provided so much peace, strength, and healing. There is so much more to praise God for through His people. I was also a bit anxious about all of our hospital bills which really are not too bad but we are trying to pay off debt and be wise with our finances. While we were at the hospital we got a call from Brian's family telling us they wanted to help as much as they could with our bill. What a blessing.

We do not need to worry about anything because God already knows the outcome and His plans are for good. I have been thinking about how easy my labor was, and how great our baby is, how she sleeps constantly and is barely fussy, and how she weighed 6lbs, and so much more. Had she been bigger I would not be able to start holding her after the surgery, had she been a tough baby it would be so hard for her to adjust to all of these people taking care of her and her having to have bottles of my milk. She takes to the bottles great and also is latching onto me fine as well when I am able to feed her. And how great that I did not have to go through a rough labor on top of a surgery. God knows exactly what we can handle and does not give us any more. Even when I thought the surgery was too much and would be the end of me, God made me stronger through it. I cried most of the time I laid in that hospital bed as Brian prayed and was right by my side. Jesus said this before He was to be crucified, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” Luke 22:42 My experience was nothing like this at all in any way but I am reminded of this verse right now. I wanted so bad for God to take away the pain and the surgery but that was not His will.



"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.
(Philippians 4:19-20 ESV)"

"Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”
As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.
The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
(Psalm 16 ESV)"

Praise you in the storm God!

Natalie loving our little girl while we were away!





Her first sleepover with Samantha!


Brian and I got to the emergency room on Monday night at 1130pm because I was having another gall bladder episode. Actually I had two that night. I did not want to go to the hospital but Brian forced me to go after watching me throw up and scream for 20 minutes or so. We called Natalie and she came and got Abby. What a blessing that she lives down the street and we know that Natalie and all of the family will love Abby as much as we do. We got to the hospital and were going to leave but Brian suggested we stay and deal with the wait. Praise God we did. It turned out I had a infection in my pancreas from my gall bladder. We had tons of tests run and a sonogram. By 5:30 am they wheeled me to the hospital where I would eventually be having surgery. After a whole mess of an ordeal at the hospital we finally got wheeled into the operating room almost 24 hours later. We prayed that the surgery would be smooth and no gall stones would be in the pancreas. If that happened I would have had to have another small operation today that I was so terrified of. Praise be to God my infection in my pancreas went down a lot because they believe I passed the stone. My gall bladder is out and I should be fully recovered in two weeks. The pain is significant but the fact that this time is over makes the pain completely worth it. And soon I will be reunited with our baby. It feels so good to be home and knowing I will not be having any more attacks and can enjoy Abby pain free soon.

What is God teaching me through all of these storms I have been having with my health? GOD IS FAITHFUL! He is completely in control. There is nothing He does not know and His will is much better than mine. My husband is a leader and the sweetest blessing ever! I have cried so much the last three weeks. I have struggled with unbelief through all of it. I was so scared about surgery yesterday and devastated that I would not be with Abby for almost two days. I was a complete wreck. I know God used His people to encourage and lift me up in prayer. Brian was near my side speaking truths into my life the entire time even though he had not slept at all. He held my hand before I went into surgery and prayed for me and shared sweet Psalms with me. He loves me so much in the way I needed most, by sharing the truth of Christ. God is using all of these trials to help me to rely on Him more!

And wow!!!!! Gods people just blow me away! Everyone has emailed, called, and texted asking how they can help our family. What a blessing to have so many people around who love us and care for us. I do not know how people with out such an amazing community cope with anything. I would have been a million times worse without Gods hand guiding me and His people constantly praying and encouraging me!

Praise God that He loves me even when I am so faithless and anxious and full of sin. Brian continued to remind me of that last night as I was so upset that I could not just trust in His sovereign plan. When the surgeon had to warn me that some people die during surgery and having anesthesia I was overwhelmed with fear. What a beautiful gift to have undeserved, unconditional love from God.

Thank you for your love and faithfulness to our family! Our parents have been such a huge support and siblings. Praise be to God always!

Abby 17 days old

May my trust be in God and in God alone!

I have been meaning to write a blog for days but life has been so crazy! What has been standing out to me in my bible studies is the life of Job. How can a man have so much faith in God when everything on earth was taken away from Him. I desperately want this faith and I am amazed at how Job handled all that Satan put him through. Job lost all the earthly things he had. His entire family, the honor he had from his friends, all of his possessions and wealth. Would I be able to say, "God you are good, I love you, you are faithful," even in that. Would I be able to not curse God when all is taken away from me? I thank God He has called me to Himself and I know I God is faithful through all circumstances. I can not imagine going through tragedies with out God! I am so thankful I will be spending an eternity with God in Heaven. I am so thankful for Jesus and all He has done for those that are saved and called to Himself.
I have also been studying the book of 1 John in the bible study my husband leads on Tuesdays. The text we just read through is in 1 John 2. "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." 1 John 2:15-17. I always looked at this text and though to myself, "that is easy. I am not into worldly possessions such as money and things. John is talking about anything that you love more than God or would be devastated to lose. So that would include my family.
After week one of bringing Abby home my hormones went wild. I have been an emotional roller coaster. I cry almost every night and feel my life is ending (sounds tragic huh? That maybe extreme but it all feels extreme). It has been so challenging and something I did not realize could fully happen. I am adjusting to so many things. It is hard hearing your baby cry and not knowing how to help them always. There are so many fears with motherhood that I should intrust to God but instead I allow my anxieties to get out of control. It has been a very hard time for me. I also find it hard to get into the word and spend the much needed time with God with all the changes. Yet that is no excuse and I want God to be glorified always in my life. I want to learn to find all joy in every circumstance. I want to be more like Job. I want to love and trust God with all of my heart. I want to grow in the knowledge of my Savior so I am able to lean on Him more and speak truths to myself.
What I am so incredibly thankful for is a husband who always points me to the cross. A husband that is so incredibly patient and loving in this time. He does not run away because I am a complete mess. He loves me regardless of how awful I am. He has been so supportive. He has watched me cry at times for hours. I love him so much! I praise God for my family and the changes He has made in me the last 8 or 9 years. I know God has grown me so much and I need to remember that as I feel like a complete mess who is out of control and will never grow.
I am so so so thankful to the church body! God has provided so many amazing friends in my life who share so many things in common with me. Number one being their faith. It has also been so encouraging to hear how they were after their babies came. I am also so thankful for the meals provided to us, the late night supportive phone calls, and the friends who have come to watch Abby as I deal with ridiculous doctors and tests. To leave my baby girl to someone is so hard but I love that their are people I can trust.
I am so thankful that in the midst of everything sweet Abby is healthy and growing and dealing well with the changes she has had to go through as well. She is a sweetheart! Brian, Collin, and I are in love with her. My family love her so much and anyone that meets her.
I pray God continues to grow me daily! I pray He will always be my first and that I would trust Him and not allow Satan to take me down and feed me all of these lies.
Thank you all for your prayers. I really hope to not have surgery on my gall bladder. I have an appointment in 3 weeks. I really want to trust God even in that. My anxieties are so crazy at times and all the fears I have. I know God is in control I just need to live life knowing that daily!

Love,
Sus