How to Be Mentored Without a Mentor

Praising God always for my hubby!! He reads so much and it benefits me like crazy. He sent me this wonderful blog today I wanted to share with you! May it encourage your walk with Jesus!

How to Be Mentored Without a Mentor
By Jodi Ware
http://thegospelcoalition.org/mobile/article/tgc/how-to-be-mentored-without-a-mentor
"Some time ago, a young woman asked who had mentored me. She was surprised when I replied I'd never been mentored. I had in mind, of course, the idea that mentoring involves a formal, weekly or biweekly meeting with a wise older woman—doing a Bible or book study together and learning how to live as a Christian woman. I have never experienced this specific kind of mentoring.

But I've been mentored. And a chief tool has been reading good books. Early in my years as a wife and mom, I avidly pored over every Elisabeth Elliot book I could find. Her writing shaped my soul in countless ways. Even today I can recal many wise thoughts from her pen. In more recent years, I've worked my way through Puritan and Reformed writings, finding much nourishment for my soul from John Owen, J. C. Ryle, John Murray, and a host of others. During the last decade, I've discovered and been so helped by Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF) writers (e.g., David Powlison, Paul Tripp, Ed Welch, Elyse Fitzpatrick, and so on) who've shown me how to apply God's sufficient Word to the circumstances of life. And of course, reading contemporary theologians (e.g., J. I. Packer, John Piper, Don Carson) provides a steady diet of truth about God. I frequently thank the Lord for the wealth of resources available to us, and I want to be faithful to share these resources with those who have far less.

I've also been mentored by observing others. At a school where my husband previously taught, the dean's wife invited us faculty wives to gather monthly for lunch and prayer for the students. I learned much from watching how she ensured the time devoted to sharing prayer requests was kept brief so that we could actually spend our time praying. What a helpful example! Another older faculty wife I particularly respected mentored me unknowingly as she discussed ways she practiced hospitality and served students. I want to be like Jean when I grow up, I often thought.

I'm continually mentored by the godly women with whom I'm blessed to spend time. I learn much about loving my husband from the ways my friends love their husbands through challenging times. I learn home management tips by observing those extra-organized sisters of mine. And I'm fully aware "mentoring" is not necessarily age-oriented. I frequently learn from and am challenged by comments from the youngest woman in our small group. I view all of these opportunities as informal mentoring.
Becoming a Faithful Older Woman


As a seminary professor's wife, a lot of my time is spent with younger women—often student wives who have questions about their roles as wife and mom. There are far more young women than there are older women to meet with them. Though I cannot fulfill all the requests I receive to meet with them, this is how I attempt to be a faithful older woman.

1. If someone asks to meet, I try to get together at least once, if possible. I endeavor to learn some of her story, discern current struggles, give some advice and suggested resources, and ask how I can pray. I keep lists of women with whom I've met, pray for them regularly, and seek to follow up when I see them.

2. I give priority to young women who are members of my church. We're in a covenant relationship together; therefore, I have a special commitment to them. It's also more natural to have relationships with those whom you see regularly in the course of worship and service. I seek to meet with a number of women monthly or bimonthly. There are certainly cases of greater urgency, however, when I meet regularly with a woman in need.

3. Our seminary has an institute of classes for student wives, and I'm involved in teaching some of those classes. Though this isn't one-on-one mentoring, I do see it as a way of fulfilling God's Titus 2 calling on my life (Titus 2:3-5).

4. I'm grateful for the use of technology to influence and bless others. I frequently read or hear something I can pass on to someone I think it might benefit. I'm grateful for the opportunities to continue relationships via email with women who have moved away—throughout the country and the world—to ministry positions. I fear we underestimate the encouragement a Scripture text, an inquiry about a prayer request, or a "safe" listening ear can offer.

These guidelines help me safeguard my first priorities (being a wife, mother, and grandmother) while seeking to influence a variety of women to grow in knowing, loving, and trusting the Lord, in loving and submitting to their husbands, and in caring for children and homes.
Bow Your Head and Open Your Eyes


You may be longing for a formal mentor, someone who can sit down and speak into your life each week. Pray and ask God for that tremendous gift. He may grant it. But if he doesn't, or until he does, seek out resources already available to you in order to be mentored—even at a distance—by other Christians. I often challenge young, busy moms to read one chapter of a good book each day. You can work your way through a number of books that way. And you're giving your soul something nourishing.

Look for opportunities to be around the women in your church. If you can join a women's Bible study or prayer group, make that a priority. If nothing fits your schedule, ask if a different time slot could be considered. And look for opportunities to serve alongside other women: volunteering in music ministry, working in the kitchen or nursery, organizing an outreach event or an evening for women's ministry—all of these outlets and more help you learn from the women in your church family, both older and younger.

Most importantly, maintain a vital relationship with the Lord through his Word, which sanctifies us (John 17:17). If we truly believe that, we will seek with regularity, with intentionally, with priority, to place ourselves under the influence of his Word, which teaches, encourages, convicts, and grows us all into Christlikeness. What a blessing to know that God equips us for all he calls us to do (Heb. 13:20-21).

Bath Time

Our beautiful kids decided to put on their swimsuits and hop in the bath! What fun they had! I just love these two so much. They love each other and have fun all day long. It is truly a gift from God!

Great post on Biblical Counseling vs Psychology

My husband Brian is in seminary getting his degree in biblical counseling. I am so thankful for this! He may not think I always am especially now that I am a pregnant hormonal mess. I know however that Gods word is the best counsel and psychology is not where believers should turn in times of despair. This article below really blessed me. 

From http://bc4women.blogspot.com/2013/02/secular-mental-health-treatment-proceed.html?m=1

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2013

Secular Mental Health Treatment: Proceed with Caution

Today's guest blogger is Jennifer Miller. I know this post will prick your heart and conscience!

“For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.” Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?” 1 Corinthians 1:18-20

I have a Master’s degree in Professional Counseling. I have worked as a therapist in a Community Mental Health facility, as a Crisis Responder, and as a group therapist in an Alcohol and Drug Addiction program.  I chose not to pursue licensure because I believe that only Christ truly heals and it is my heart’s desire to work in a strictly biblical setting. God has not yet opened that door but I believe that He will, in His perfect timing. Sadly, we live in a time when many churches have delegated the responsibility of counseling to secular providers; they have accepted the lie that psychology is superior to biblical truth in dealing with the problems of life when the Word of God is sufficient in every way.

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.”  2 Timothy 3:16-17

 I have seen the secular mental health system from the inside, and it isn’t pretty. There is great potential for damage when one is labeled with a mental health diagnosis. Consumers of mental health services need to understand exactly how such a diagnosis is made and proceed with caution. I do not claim to be an expert, but I believe that God sees people as people, not as labels.

“For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 ESV

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the ‘bible’ of psychiatry and professional therapy, is created by a group of members of the American Psychiatric Association who meet, vote on which behaviors should be included, and basically ‘create’ disorders that they believe should be listed. They also vote to exclude behaviors that they believe are not abnormal, such as the removal of the homosexuality diagnosis from the DSM-II in 1973. Despite the testimony of millions of women regarding the emotional and mental harm caused by a past abortion, you will not find a single mention of this in the DSM-IV-TR. The men and women who put the DSM together are secular humanists with a liberal political agenda; this is beyond dispute.

 “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” 2 Timothy 3:1-5

 The bottom line is a financial one: a DSM diagnostic code is required in order for a provider to be reimbursed for services by insurance companies. There is no blood test proving the often claimed ‘chemical imbalance’ said to be present in depression. There is no scan of the brain or objective test that can demonstrate that a person has PTSD, or Major Depressive Disorder, or any other mental health condition listed in the DSM-IV-TR. Mental Health diagnosis is similar to a cookbook in mentality. A recipe may sound something like this: a person’s behaviors must meet 3 of the 6 criteria listed in section 1, 2 of the 5 criteria listed in section 2, the behaviors must have been present for a specified amount of time, and functioning must be impaired. All of this is decided by a clinician based on an assessment, or interview, with a counselee.   It is purely subjective opinion, which leaves the field wide open for error. On any given day, based on behaviors reported by others or by self-reported struggles, the DSM cookbook can be pulled out and more than one diagnosis can be arrived at and justified by a provider.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.”  Proverbs 16:25

My personal observation from working in the field of mental health is that DSM diagnosis is often sloppy and done for the convenience of the provider. I cannot count the times that I have seen young and otherwise healthy adults given some sort of label and prescribed one or more psychotropic medication(s). Even more heartbreaking is the number of children who have been labeled and medicated in much the same way. I shudder to think of the damage that these chemicals are doing to the developing brains of so many precious children. It is a travesty, and it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. People begin to identify themselves by their labels. They begin to embrace the lie that they are inherently flawed and unable to function in society and go on to live lives of hopelessness and despair. All because a psychiatrist or professional therapist talked to them for an hour (or less), looked up a few of their self-described problems in the DSM, and casually assigned them to a certain category in order to be reimbursed for services.

“You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44

The church should not be sending her people into this lion’s den. It’s past time that churches accept their God-given responsibility to disciple, counsel, and teach. People who struggle need Christ’s healing touch, not psychology and psychotropic medications. They need solid biblical counsel, not secular theories and techniques. As the mission statement of CCEF states so well, it’s time to restore Christ to counseling and counseling to the church. God will not hold us blameless.

16months old

Our little girl turned 16 months old on the 18th. Time is flying by! Abby is such a fun little toddler. When she is not teething or sick (which both have been hitting us hard this last few months) she is so playful and silly. Abby knows many new words and does silly new things daily. We love her animal sounds, we especially love her kitty noises, she has been saying "good girl" every time I tell her she is a good girl, she loves to talk on her phones, she loves taking her dolls for a walk, she still loves sitting on chairs and laps and steps, she loves to read, and she loves her Veggie Tales. We just adore her. Watching Brian play with her has been a really fun treat as well. They love and adore each other so much. Collin is the only one who can make his sister giggle so loud. They are so much fun together. Collin is the best big brother Abby could have! It would be even better if he was here all the time. Abby is finally really easy to put to sleep. I am only nursing her before bed and once in the middle of the night. I nurse her, sing her "Amazing Grace", give her a kiss, her atos (pacifier), and tuck her in. It is so nice having a baby that does not fight us with sleep anymore. I feel like she will be sleeping through the night soon! She is still our picky little eater. She does enjoy fruit and cheese and milk products but other than that I feel like it is a daily challenge to figure out what to feed her. I am sure eventually this will change. I am grateful she is no longer nursing during the day. I needed a break before the next babe arrives. We love you our sweet precious Abby!!!!

True Biblical Love

By Susan Kinley

With Valentine's day coming up I have been thinking a lot about love and how so many of us have a very misrepresented idea of what love is. I know I personally use to think the flowers, dinner, romance, surprises, affection, and everything else were what defined real love. Brian and I have been reading a chapter of 1 Corinthians together each night. Last night we were in the most known text in the book, 1 Corinthians 13. Over the last couple years of being married to Brian I have grown so much in my knowledge and understanding of these widely known and used texts. 

Lets look at the definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

DEFINITION OF GODLY LOVE

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

God's definition of love has absolutely nothing to do with my needs, my wants, my desires, it also has nothing to do with the flower, the gifts, the kisses, the surprises, or any of the above. A marriage that is made up of two people with their own expectations is a recipe for disaster because someone is always disappointed and wanting and expecting more. A book I used to think was a must for marriages is the Five Love Languages. It makes me sad that churches and believers are so drawn to a book that has nothing to do with scripture and the love God has intended for our marriages. I spent so much of my pre-Christian years watching Hollywood romance movies and dreaming of the man that would sweep me off my feet with banners in the sky proclaiming his love and roses scattered throughout my entire house and not a single fight ever!

The love Brian has taught me is a true biblical love. He loves me in a way that is patient when I am not, he is kind when I am angry, he truly does bear all things, believes all things hopes for all things, and endures all things in our marriage. I love him so much for his biblical love because he draws me closer the the Lord each day. Yes he buys me bouquet of beautiful flowers , and he plans surprises for special occasions, and he writes me sweet love letters every day, but that is not what draws me to this man I married. I hear so many wives talk about how they wish their husbands were more this way and that way but it is never about the ways the man can be Godly or live that out. Of course there are times a friend of mine will tell me all of these romantic things there husband has done and for a minute or two I will find myself envious and then I am drawn back to these verses and remind myself of God's purpose for my marriage and what He has intended for us!

What joy there is when we look outside of ourselves and look to serve and love others whole heartily. I pray to love my husband this Valentine's Day and every day as Christ show's His love for us.

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers." 1 John 3:16

 

"In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." 1 John 4:10

"God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

Baby Bean #3

I had my first prenatal appointment today at 8 weeks! Baby bean is growing and has a strong heartbeat! I knew the baby was going to have a good heartbeat considering how sick this mommy is:) I was happy to see there was only one little bean and not two. I can not even imagine! I think mom's who have twins are amazing and they are my heroes.

Abby is back

Our little girl has been very difficult through teething and sickness for a few weeks if not longer. It seemed as though the season was here to stay and her personality was coming through. It was hard to not see Abby smiling, giggling, and being herself. Every word was NO, lots of tantrums, and little sleep.
That all changed a few days ago by the grace of God. I praise God for this sweet few days that I needed so bad. I was really lacking joy which was very sinful!
Abby has been so much fun again. She laughs and smiles most of the day and has been hamming it up! Brian has got to be goofy with Abby and we play lots of silly games with her. She recently decided she is hungry all day and has been eating a little better and nursing much less. I am so grateful for this time. I was really thinking the terrible two's were in full force. Our friend gave Abby a baby stroller on Sunday and that really perked her up. She walks her babies around every where:) it's so sweet!
Thank you Lord Jesus for these sweet times! Thank you for the hard times as well which grow and refine us. I pray I would be able to find more joy in the sufferings.

Apples and peanut butter

Abby loves to say the word apple and she loves to stick her hands in her peanut butter and eat it. She is still not eating much which has been hard on me but I imagine she will enjoy food soon.