WOW!!!! This blog was awesome! I think I was sitting in this living room hearing how I need to stop comparing my baby to everyone's and my mothering to everyone's! This is worth the read! So take the three minutes to read this blog mommies!
Every other week this spring, I opened my home to a group of
new moms to discuss biblical motherhood. Each of them arrived with their
babies and baby gear in tow, as well a palpable fear that they were
getting it all wrong.
There is an inherent danger in gathering moms in a room: we
immediately compare notes regarding our children’s milestones,
personalities, and sleep habits. Really, though, we are comparing
ourselves, wondering if we are good moms and if our children reflect
that.
With the new moms, I addressed this tendency toward comparison on the
first day. Until we stop comparing ourselves or telling other moms they
should mother our way, I said, we will leave our time together feeling
isolated and condemned.
The gospel of Christ holds no place for comparison. We are all
equally in need of grace, and we all equally receive it as a gift from
God. In regards to mothering, the gospel clearly applies:
Through Christ, God offers us grace in our mothering. He takes our
meager efforts and produces spiritual fruit in us and our children. He
is enough.
He has given us principles in Scripture as a framework for mothering.
He has also given us the Holy Spirit to individually lead and guide us in mothering our unique children.
What does this mean in day-in, day-out motherhood?
It means that we are all mothering toward the same goal — that our
children know and worship God. Our methods for reaching that goal may
vary according to our unique families, circumstances, and the leadership
of the Holy Spirit. Will he lead every believer toward the same goal?
Yes. Will he lead every believer to the goal in the same way? No. And
this is a very good thing.
Nancy Wilson writes,
Because every family is a distinct cultural unit, it is good that
our methods differ. God did not intend for us to walk in lockstep with
one another. . . . We ought to rejoice in a common commitment to
biblical principles and in the variety of methods God’s people employ. (The Fruit of Her Hands, 58)
Because of the gospel, then, the Mommy Wars have no place among
believers. After all, at the heart of the Mommy Wars is pride (“I am
more spiritual than that mother because I employ this method and she
does not.”), competition (“My children are better than hers because I
employ this method.”), and self-condemnation (“I am not spiritual enough
or a good enough mother because I don’t employ the method that she
does.”).
To end the Mommy Wars in the church, we must learn to apply the
gospel to our own mothering, and also to the mothering methods of
others. When we know God’s grace, we stop looking for validation from
others for our methods, and we are able to extend grace to others. We
celebrate and respect the different gifts and styles of mothering as we
move toward a common goal.
These are all the things I said to the new moms in my living room. I
pleaded with them earnestly to remember grace, to turn off the chorus of
(good) voices on the internet and (good) books on their shelves, and to
listen for and focus on the only voice that matters, the quiet whisper
of the Holy Spirit in the pages of Scripture.
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